I am posting VERY quickly today. I know it has been a while, and rightly so. Christmas was crazy Even though we were able to be in our own house Christmas Day, we had to drive the entire Christmas Eve. We forgot to get to the store for groceries before church Christmas Eve, so we had an interesting Christmas dinner! The kids got TONS of stuff over the span of 7 days. I didn't think our house would hold it all!!!
We spent New Years Eve day with family. It was a tough day for me. I started feeling ill and had to leave for a while.
I was still feeling ill the week after New Years. I decided to take a pregnancy test last Thursday because I was sick and "late". It was positive. For those of you that don't know, I had my tubes tied after Reagan. I thought 5 was enough. Gerrick and I had a good laugh. Then the reality of the thing set in. I could possibly be carrying a tubal pregnancy that would have to be terminated. The tubes being tied could be blocked just enough to hold the growing embryo in the tubes. This freaked Gerrick out. So, on Friday I went to the doctor to confirm the home pregnancy test with a blood test. It too was positive. I was scheduled for an ultra sound to make sure it was in the uterus on Tuesday, yesterday. Needless to say with an entire weekend and a family birthday party (my neice, Lauren) my mind was full! I couldn't get the pregnancy out of my mind. I didn't want to tell anyone, yet. I was starting to get rather excited! We had figured that God wanted this, and so did we. Our hearts were always ready for other children, it was just our house, car, and bank accounts that were never ready. If God thought we needed another child, who were we to argue? Yesterday I went in and saw the "baby" in the uterus, but with no heart beat. My heart sank. I can't believe how hard I took it. I cried like a baby on my friends shoulders. But, after crying in my bed all night, I have started to come to terms with it. I know it would have been hard, but nothing in life is supposed to be easy. Now I have to go in for a D&C. I am really dreading it. I also have to have my tubes re-tied. Apparently they grew back together and opened up. My doctor said I was the first tubal that she has done that came back pregnant....it WOULD be ME!!
I needed so much to write this. Not only to let my friends and family know, but to start to deal with it. I am in shock at how hard this is on both of us. Please pray for us, and the kids. I know it sounds silly that I have 5 kids and am UPSET about this, but my mind is racing with the WHYs and WHAT-IFs. Thank you for reading this, and sorry for those of you that I haven't returned calls and e-mails to this week. I really haven't done much of anything productive.
I will see all you VanLengens on Saturday! Have a great week. I hope to post again soon with pics from Christmas, right now I need to rest as I slept awful last night! Love to all.